Christian=Gay? He said it.

I am happy to make at least one post per month. This is apparently the one for May, except the blank post I accidentally just put up.

Last night, as I arrived much, much, too late at a birthday party for my former sister-in-law, one of the party-goers uttered this ludicrous phrase. He asked one of the other mirth-makers, "I've been giving this a lot of thought. Don't you think when a man announces he's Christian, the response is almost like a gay man coming out of the closet?"

After picking my jaw up off the ground and remaining silent in the interest of the party, I have some observations on this question which was, thankfully swept up in the conversation and not ever seriously considered.

1) I think being Christian is actually much more like being straight, an observation confirmed with a right leaning capitalist who also heard the question.by this, I mean that, when I, or you, walk into an unmarked room, I, you, or we are conditioned to automatically assume that the people in the room are, for the most part, straight and Christian. Statistically, that's also the likelyhood. There may be a closeted homosexual here, or a Lesbian couple who come to the pub every now and again to arouse the patrons, but, usually this assumption would not be misplaced.

2) Because I think the previous argument is true, there exists no reason for a man to announce he is Christian any more than for a man to announce, "Yes, I like p*ssy." It's already assumed. The announcement either sounds disingenious or, worse, like someone announcing they sell Amway. It sounds like the announcer is selling something, which, I find, he generally is. How often have you been told by someone that he is a Christian to have him follow up with the question, "Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour?" Now, it is not automatically assumed that someone sells Amway, indeed, I would argue we assume just the opposite. However, this announcement is still, for most people, an unnecessary piece of information uttered more for the benefit of the the utterer than for the listener.

3) Of the few people who have come out of the closet to me, not one has asked me if I ever thought about my orientation. I think people who come out of the closet, on the whole and excepting the member of Sigma Alpha Epsilon at my college and those working for the GOP expect to be greeted with dismissal, but are accepted with humanity and Christians just the opposite. A guy who went to college with my brother withdrew from fraternity life for nearly two years because he was gay. When he came out, the rest of the chapter scolded him for den- ying them his company as if something was wrong.

Later the guy who said this referred to Wine coolers as "bitch drinks." Not only is this about as un-Christian as words can be, it's also unpoetic and doesn't roll off the tongue. I prefer "froo froo drinks," which I drink often because they taste good and have lots of alcohol and for which I justly take much abuse. However, my way deprecates only myself and not women.

What a douche. (This, I suppose, could be construed as misogynistic, but I would argue it is basically the same as "ass wipe." in that it refers more to function than a specific gender.)